Life is but a Dream for the Dead
by Figursk8r
Summary: Gerard is in his last year of highschool when he becomes acquainted with his brothers friend Frank. I'm not exactly sure where this is going, but I' figure is out eventually. Warning: language, slash, and drug use. Frank/Gerard. Frerard. Don't like don't read. Disclaimer: Completely Fake. I do not own MCR, if I did, life would be amazing.
1. Chapter 1

**Life is but a Dream for the Dead**

**Authors Note:This is my first published fic. Reviews would be nice, and constructive criticism will be very much appreciated. I do warn you that I most likely will not finish this story, it might go on forever without an end because I needed something to write and this is what came to mind.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

"Mikey noooo!" I found myself waking up in the middle of the night to the same horrifying nightmares of Mikey's death. I knew that it wasn't true, that he _wasn't_ dead; that he was safe in his bunk below me.

"Gee?" I heard Mikey's unsteady voice from below. I didn't like scaring him with my issues, but I couldn't press pause on my nightmares, instead forcing him to suffer through my restless nights of crying out his name before he shot himself, or downed a bottle of pills.

"It's nothing Mikey, go back to sleep." I soon heard the steadiness of his breathing, signaling that he had been overtaken by sleep again. I needed to get these horrific thoughts from my minds, so that I don't keep waking him at odd hours of the night.

He's a happy teenage boy who doesn't need to deal with his psycho older brothers crazy dreams that obviously aren't going to become reality. He was happy, he wasn't the depressed little boy in my dreams, I would remind myself. In my dreams though, he had taken after his brother, sneaking vodka and pills from my dresser until he hit breaking point, overdosing on _my_ anti-depressant pills. I know that he would never do that, he was a good kid, he even managed to snatch himself some friends. The mains ones sticking in my head being Frank and Ray. I'd met them a couple of time, they seemed nice enough, not the kind to get Mikey into any trouble. Although Ray as in the same grade as me, we never talked much, he usually hung out with this guy named Bob, who scared the shit out of me.

I knew that all hopes of falling asleep now were out of the question. I often couldn't will myself to go back to sleep after waking myself up, I was too worked up about Mikey to care.

When the light finally shown through the little window, I arose from my bed, being careful as to not wake Mikey, failing _horribly_ "What are you doing up so early?" He questioned groggily.

"Couldn't go back to sleep," I tried to reassure him, but he wore a worried expression. "I'm fine," I translated, seeing some of the worry leave his eyes. "Now get up, maybe we'll actually have time to eat breakfast without being late," Mikey reluctantly emerged from his bed before walking past me and into the bathroom. I chose then to take the pills from my drawer before taking one from each. I had one for depression, another for anxiety, something for the constant pounding in my head and two others for who-knows-what, just another medication that the doctors though would 'cure' me, when in truth, I used them for the sole purpose of clearing my head and getting a slight high.

"Do you really need _all _of those?" Mikey asked as he exited the bathroom.

"Yes," I told him for the millionth time. "Now move so that I can get some water." I shooed him from where he had stationed himself by the bathroom door. "And get dressed."

"I should tell you to do the same, some clean clothes would be nice, maybe some deodorant." He was constantly bugging me about my bad hygiene, showers were optional for me, as were clean clothes and he highly disapproved.

"Shut up and hurry, I'd like to actually _eat_ before school," I then proceeded my usual routine of picking clothes off the floor and sniffing them before throwing them across the room with my other 'really dirty clothes.' I finally managed to find an Iron Maiden shirt and a pair of jeans that didn't smell _that_ bad. "You ready?" I asked, heading up the stairs without a responds, my only answer being the footsteps that echoed my own.

"Ooh, I smell coffee!" Mikey rushed into the kitchen with me on his tail. I could also smell my mothers fresh pancakes that she made each morning for her and my father since Mikey and I are always in a rush.

"Well isn't it nice to see both of my sons so early in the morning," my mother teased, setting out two plates for us, and placing the syrup on the table. I had missed my mothers pancakes, I used to eat them everyday as a kid, and occasionally on Sundays, but those were usually our eat out days, and lately I hadn't been that 'hungry' anymore.

"Mmm, just as good as ever," I complimented through a mouthful of food.

"Don't talk with food in your mouth!" My mother argued.

"Yeah Gee, _swallow_ your food first," Mikey joked, earning a kick under the table. "Ow," Mikey complained, almost spilling his coffee.

"Mikey be careful!" Our mother shouted as I laughed at Mikey's predicament. Mikey kicked me back, but I easily hid the non-existing pain, because he doesn't have a very forceful kick. "Oh my, you guys should get going."

"Aye-Aye mother." I said, saluting the 'captain' before grabbing my bag and tossing a 'see yeah' back into the house with Mikey doing the same.

I said my goodbyes to Mikey when we pulled up to the school and he went to meet up with his friends and I joined mine who were smoking out front due to the fact that no one was ever supervising outside. I wasn't that close with them, but we kept each other company in between classes and before school, but we never met up outside of school. I met Bert and Brian in Sophomore year when I had taken to indulging myself in a cigarette before school and they joined one day and that was the beginning of our long-lasting alliance.

I could see Mikey laughing with his friends as they entered the school. I have always been jealous of Mikey; mainly his amount of self-confidence that I lacked. He as a good kid, and I was thankful that he hadn't followed in my path. I had tried to hide my failures from him unsuccessfully, not wanting him to have to worry about my problems. I had started drinking as a Freshman, it took a while for him to catch onto my habits, but when he did, I often got lectures for my late nights. I managed to keep him out of trouble as much as possible, hoping that he wouldn't turn out like me, and so far I had succeeded.

I wasn't fond of most of my classes, though luckily I didn't have a lot. I had taken care of most of the required courses earlier on. I only had another math and science class left before I could graduate, although I also took an art course along with something about computers so that I had something worth attending.

Math was the only class I shared with Brian, and sadly we were stuck taking pre-cal. Last year, when I had most of my classes with Bert, we usually skipped and instead chose to smoke in the abandoned third floor bathroom. Ray was in my computer class, but we didn't talk much since he was more Mikey's friend than mine, but we still got along. I often found Ray and Mikey in the band room after school. Ray was teaching Mikey how to play guitar, however Mikey seemed to prefer the bass. Mikey was much better at guitar than I had ever been, after all I was kicked out of a band just because I couldn't play 'Sweet Home Alabama.'

"Hey Gee!" I heard Brian call as I entered the 'torture chamber' and I claimed the desk to his left. I hit him playfully on the arm because the only person allowed to call me 'Gee' was Mikey; his friend occasionally used the nickname too, though I wasn't fond of hearing the words from his mouth, he was Mikey's friend and I didn't want to tell him off. "Are we still gonna grab a smoke after class?"

"Afraid not, I agreed to help some Freshman art class." Although I didn't know why I agreed, besides the extra credit that would look good on my application when I applied for SVA in a few months. I wasn't fond of talking to people, and I sure as hell didn't want to _help_ a lot of Freshman that had no idea how to draw. Mikey was taking art, and lucky for me he was in the class, this way I wouldn't feel completely lost.

I heard the bell that signaled the end of math. I realized that I hadn't listened to anything the teacher had said and that my notebook was open to a blank page. I said my goodbyes to Brian and headed to the art class that I had been fretting over for the last fifty minutes.

When the bell for the beginning of the next period rang, the teacher stood up to announce my presence to the class."Hello class, for the remainder of the semester I have brought in a senior to help you with your drawing. This is Gerard Way, one of the best artists I know." He announced and I admit, I was a little flattered, though the class didn't seem very impressed. I recognized a few faces, the two that stuck out the most being Mikey and Frank who sat towards the back. Frank whispered something to Mikey as Mikey gave me a reassuring glance before laughing at whatever Frank had said.

As soon as the teacher let the students free to work on whatever project they had been assigned the previous day, I headed towards the back, placing myself near Mikey. "Hey Gee," Mikey smiled as he continued his drawing of a flower, and I had to admit that he was pretty good except for the minor errors. "So Gee, how does it look?"

"Awesome," I beamed, not pointing out the little flaws.

"Seriously Gee," he pouted. I didn't like to critique Mikey's work since I always had a habit of leaving out a few things that would make the drawing better, but to my horror might upset him, though he didn't usually mind.

"That line should be a bit more curved," I pointed to one of the petals, "so that it is proportional with the rest. And the shading needs to be darker here." Mikey followed my instructions as usual adding a lot more 'flavor' to his work of art.

"Thanks Gee," he smiled before Frank tapped my shoulder.

"What about this?" He asked, holding up his little kid drawing of a dog.

"Ummm..." I said, scratching the back of my head. "It's very interesting..."

He quickly slammed the paper on the desk before saying, "I know I suck okay!" His outburst attracted the attention from surrounding table, but they quickly went back to work.

"You don't suck." I said, although he kind of did. "You just need a little help." I picked up his pencil, showing him how I had learned to draw a dog as a kid, starting with the miniature stick figure as the nose and adding the circles around it. I made sure to work slowly so that Frank could easily copy my movements. "See, simple as that," I handed him the pencil and he took it, proceeding to copy my strokes onto another paper. "Now you just need to add details, like whiskers and stuff." I smiled proudly as Frank added three lines on each side of the dogs nose. It still looked as though a kid had drawn it, but was definitely better than the other drawing that looked like random circles.

"Thanks Gee," he smiled, admiring his work. I was tempted to tell him not to call me that anymore, but it didn't seem like such a big deal.

"Oh, Gee," Mikey said, bringing my attention back to him. "Frank's coming over after school, I said we could give him a rid, if that's okay with you," Mikey always asked me for permission, since I was the one with a car, and we shared a room, he didn't want me bothered by the intruder. He also didn't want me to get too fucked up, he never said it, but that was implied.

"Course Mikey." Then the bell rang and I realized that I had neglected the rest of the class, and would most likely need to pay more attention to them in the future.

I had lunch next, and neither Bert nor Brian had the same lunch, so I usually sat alone. Mikey always invited me to sit with him, and I always decline, because I felt awkward surrounded by all of _his_ friends, but today I decided to give it a shot.

Frank seemed to pay more attention to me, he even forced me to squeeze in between him and Mikey at the full table. He dragged a chair from another table for me to sit in. A couple of Ray and Frank's friends had also joined us, including Bob and someone named Shaun.

Lunch wasn't _that_ bad; Frank and Mikey were the only ones who payed attention to me. Frank was babbling on about something that I couldn't keep up with. He seemed to be aiming all of his words at me, and seeing as the others ignored him and carried out their conversation, I assumed that this was a conversation just between us. Mikey kept looking over at me, checking to see if I was okay with Frank's rambling.

When Frank finally stopped talking, he proceeded to ask me a bunch of questions. "What's your favorite color?"

"Red."

"How long have you been drawing?"

"As long as I can remember."

"Where are you going to college?"

"SVA," I answered proudly. He acted as though he was about to go on, but the bell rang.


	2. Chapter 2

**Life is but a Dream for the Dead**

**Chapter 1**

I had been anxious for the day to end. I could feel my anxiety getting the best of me as the nerves in my stomach began to clench, making me want to puke. I don't know why I was nervous, Frank had been to our house before and I had been fine. Though, now I found myself thinking of all the dirty clothes littering the floor and the empty Vodka bottle that lay carelessly on top of the various drawings that were spread across my desk, followed by empty pill bottles. I've always had time to hide my mess before Mikey had to explain my 'addictions' to his friends.

After school, when I went looking for Mikey in the band room where he always hid out since he had a guitar class last period; I was surprised to see Frank next to him with a guitar in his lap. I hadn't known that Frank could play, and I felt my anxiety hit full force. I felt unable to talk, as if some force was trying to pull me from the room in fear that I would do something stupid.

"You ready to go?" I forced myself to ask, and I could feel my face heat up with embarrassment as I looked at Frank and he smiled back at me, which made me feel even more terrified. They both nodded in agreement and we headed for my car, which now that I think about it could really use cleaning too. There were various bottles and CD's thrown into the backseat along with a stain on the middle seat where Mikey spilled grape juice when my parents thought that he was too young to sit in the front.

When we got to the car I quickly pushed all of my shit under the seat so that Frank could sit down and hopped into the front to wait for them to follow. I waited as they buckled their seat belts; this was my only rule, though it wasn't necessarily for safety, just habit, after all I was fine with drinking and driving, but the only time I could justify it in my mind was when I'd already had a few beers.

"How was school?" I asked, trying to spark a conversation.

"As good as school can bet." Frank joked. "The only thing I actually learned was how to draw a dog." I caught Frank's eyes in the rear view mirror as he smiled at me.

"Yeah, well school's good for you, then you can go to college." I was surprisingly excited for college, mainly because I was going to be doing what I love, and one day I would be able to tell people that I had a degree in cartooning.

"Who said I was going to college?" Frank countered.

"If you plan on _doing_ something with your life, you should probably think about it." I felt very defensive over my beliefs, and Frank's disagreeing pissed me off.

"Maybe I don't _need_ college for the 'profession' that I want to uphold." He used finger quotes around 'profession' and looked quite displeased.

"You, what's that? You want to work at McDonald's for the rest of your life?" I didn't know where all of my courage had come from, but I was having a legitimate argument with Frank, and Mikey looked stuck between defending his friend, or his brother.

"I'm in a band." Frank spoke with confidence, taking pride in his plans. I had to admit this did sound kind of cool.

"Oh, that's cool."

"Yeah, we have a CD coming out soon," Frank was very cocky about this band stuff, obviously proud of their achievements. I didn't have much else to say and we were pulling up to the house. All I wanted was to go downstairs and get drunk, but I'd have to wait until Frank left, so a few pill would have to hold me over.

Once I was safe downstairs, I locked myself in the bathroom and pulled out the first bottle of pills that I could get a hold of. I popped three in my mouth before popping two more and swallowing them down with a glass of water.

Mikey gave me a funny look when I emerged, catching onto the fact that I was already trying to get on a high so soon after school. "Gee?" Mikey asked, but it sounded more like a plea to me.

"I'm find," I said, walking over to my desk that was covered in pill bottles, an empty bottle of Vodka and various drawing. "I've got work, if I can hear you over my music, then you're too loud," I clarified before slipping my headphones into my ears, the silence was replaced by 'The Number of the Beast' by Iron Maiden.

I soon felt a tap on my shoulder and looked up to see Frank "What are you drawing?" He questioned the random people with various words flowing from their mouths.

"Just a comic, for class." We had been instructed to come up with a set of fifty pages of drawings by the end of the semester, and I had gotten permission to do a comic. It was about this family of adopted superheroes who saved people and shit.

"Can I read it?" I handed it over to him reluctantly, the only person who had read it was Mikey. Not even my art teacher had read over it. "Oooh!" Frank ogled reading the first line: ' It starts with an elbow and ends with a sandwich.' I don't know why I decided to throw that in, I guess I wanted to throw in some humor. "That's awesome," Frank said after he finished reading and handed back the sketchbook.

"Thanks." I smiled at his compliment, I didn't normally get praised for my art by other students, but Frank seemed to think that I was the God of drawing. "It's still a work in progress, and this is obviously just a draft..." I babbled on, not letting the face stick for too long.

"Hey, seriously you're going to have to show me this when it's finished." Frank walked back over to where he had been playing video games. I heard them talking about spending the night, since it was a Friday, and I hoped that he couldn't stay over, because I had plans to get shit faced.

It was only ten minutes later when Mikey crushed my plans. "Gee?" He asked, afraid of my answer. "Can Frank stay over?"

"As long as mom and dad don't car," I responded nonchalantly, though I wanted to say no. I knew that I wouldn't last much longer without a drink, or a few more pills. The pills always wore off too soon, but I had a silent agreement with Mikey _not_to drink when his friends were around, though that probably included pills, I just disqualified it. "I need a drink," I caught myself mumbling under my breathe. Mikey glared at me before informing Frank that he could stay.

Mikey and Frank were both asleep by one, and I took the opportunity to pull a bottle of Vodka from my dresser. When I was younger I used to mix it with stuff to add to the flavor, but now a days I just want the drink, the flavor didn't really matter. After I got the alcohol in my system I automatically felt relieved, and I swallowed a few pills for good measure. By 2:30 I had taken five more pills and drank half a bottle.

I heard someone begin to get up and discovered a very awake Frank. "Hello Frankie," I slurred in my drunken state. "What are you doing up?" I slung an arm around him whilst my other continued to grip the bottle. It was mainly to stable myself, but could be considered a 'friendly' gesture.

"Are you drunk?" I heard him ask, but not in the accusing way that Mikey would.

"No," I said trying to walk to the dresser for more pills and almost face planted on the ground, but now Frank had a grip on my waist, holding me up. "Yes," I changed my mind, I could never really tell when I passed from high to drunk to totally doped on pills. Usually when I lost my footing I could assume that I was in the drunken stage.

"You should sit down." Frank kept a hold of my waist and lead me towards the chair that was stationed at my desk. I hadn't realized how beautiful Frank was, and how fun it would be to draw him. I pulled him into my lap, and he plopped down with an 'uumph.'

"I wanna draw you," I announced as I reached for a pencil. I decided that it was kind of impossible to draw with him still on my lap. "Get off." I said grumpily and he quickly moved, instead choosing to stand behind me. I picked up a pack of cigarettes off my desk placing it to my lips before offering on up to Frank. I was surprised when he accepted, and even more surprised when he inhaled like he was used to the burn of the smoke in his lungs. After I finished fascinating over the fact that my little brothers friend _smoke_ I went back to drawing.

I couldn't comprehend what it was about Frank, but he was entertaining to draw. He wriggled around as he stood in front of me, acting as my model. He looked vulnerable, like he wasn't used to being under such close examination. The lines of his face appeared smoothly on my paper, and I found no trouble laying out his solid complexion. I had never been good at realistic art, but Frank seemed to have the perfect bone structure to change that. His eyes shown dark through the dim light of my lamp, failing to capture the glint I had seen in the mirror on the way home.

When I finished, Frank looked over at it enthusiastically. "Wow," was all he was able to say.

"I couldn't get your eyes right," I complained, wishing that the lighting hadn't been so bad. I also wished that I would've waited until I was sober, because most of the lines were shaky and unsure. "They're so dull, I'm missing the spark." I stood up, nearing Frank to see his eyes better. I could tell that I was about to do something extremely stupid. Through my drunken haze, I found myself leaning forward and catching his lips with mine. I was surprised when he didn't pull away, but disappointed when he didn't kiss back, causing me to move away, towards the abandoned Vodka on the dresser.

When I brought the bottle to my lips, I heard Frank speak up. "Do you drink a lot?" He asked, sounding concerned. I had to think about it; sure sometimes I got so wasted that I couldn't see straight, but other times I got fucked up on pills and would end up passing out, only to awake a few hours later by my nightly terrors, and then I'd either search out more pills, or a bottle.

"Sometimes," I answered truthfully. "Sometimes I prefer the pills." I let my mouth continue without my brains permission, not wanting to burden Frank with more of my problems. "Sometimes I choose both. Like sometimes one just isn't enough." I didn't _mean_ to tell all of this to Frank, but I found comfort in me; hell, I hadn't even told Mikey any of this.

"Why do you do it?" I fed Franks curiosity with more truth filled answers.

"To make it go away," I said simply, but he didn't seem to comprehend. "The pain, the thoughts, the _worry_." I had to admit that with the recent turn of events in my dreams had brought me to needing the alcohol more often.

"Have you ever talked to someone?" My parents had tried to get me to see a counselor, but I hadn't like the idea.

"No,"

Have you told _anyone_?" Frank seemed quite concerned.

"No. Well, no one besides you." I didn't tell Mikey, because I knew that he'd worry too much.

"Mikey talked to me. He said that you kept waking up in the middle of the night. What's that about?" I couldn't answer that question, it was too much, besides it wasn't anything to worry about.

"Nothing." Frank noticed that he had hit a bad spot, and instead of backing off, he continued to prod. "I don't want to talk about it," I informed him, but his eyes made me want to give in. "Is Mikey okay?" I asked, skirting around his question.

"Truthfully? He's worried about his big brother." I didn't like hearing this, Obviously my half-hearted 'I'm fine' each day wasn't convincing.

"I'm tired," I announced, moving to the top bunk. "Goodnight."


	3. Chapter 3

**Life is but a Dream for the Dead**

**Chapter 3**

I woke up with the _worst_ hangover, and went to get a little more Tylenol than necessary. Mikey gave me a disapproving look as I climbed up the stairs around two to grab something to eat. Frank didn't seem the happiest about it either, though I didn't care because I'd taken enough Tylenol to go to school naked and not notice. Plus last nights high hadn't quite worn off yet either.

"Why hello," I commented cheerfully, plopping between the two on the small couch. I was half sitting on Frank, and half on Mikey. I propped up my legs on Mikey's lap and rested my head on Frank. "How are you?" I made sure to emphasize.

"What did you take?" Mikey asked, surprising me with how blunt he was.

"Tylenol."

"How many?" I cam up blank, I had lost count around five, when the familiar spinning had begun to fill me with a sudden energy boost.

"More than five," I replied as if it was no big deal. I'd taken more than that and was still perfectly fine, though that had been over the expanse of a couple ours.

"Shit Gee. What did you take it with?" I assumed from Mikey's reaction that Frank had told him about the previous night.

"Just water, jeez Mikey, chill it's no biggy." Whenever I was high off pills, nothing mattered to me because I was happy in my own little world.

"You should go lay down. You can talk to me when the drugs were off." I wasn't used to Mikey's straight-forwardness; because of his sudden change in attitude, I felt the need to ignore him. "Seriously Gerard, off." He pushed my legs from his lap, causing me to land on the floor. I realized, when he used my full name, that he was legitimately pissed, Mikey wasn't one to o overboard with his emotions. He could wear a simple smile whilst clapping inside, and something as simple as 'Gerard' got his point across.

"Fine," I stomped towards the front door.

"Wrong way," Mikey notified me, though I hadn't been planning on going back to my room. I slammed the front door behind me as I fished my keys from my pocket. I needed to get away.

**Mikey's POV**

I watched as Gerard headed for the front door, reality only caught up to me as I heard his car roar to a start. He'd driven under the influence before, but that was only after a few beers, now he was going to attempt to drive after taking way more than the recommended amount of Tylenol.

I hadn't a clue where he was going, only that I needed to find him. I found myself rushing out the door, and pulling Frank quickly behind me. I hollered to my parents that I was going out and took for the sidewalk. Gerard had run off plenty of times before, but it was never my fault, unlike now when I felt the guilt that he could be dead in some alley.

"Where are we going?" Frank asked as we neared a park.

"I don't know!" I cried, flinging myself down on a bench. "Shit, I've got no idea. He could be anywhere." _He could be dead._ I kept my last thought to myself. If Gee got into an accident I wouldn't be able to live with myself. "Think Mikey, think." I repeated this a dozen times until an idea popped into my head. "Bert."

"Wait, that dude with the greasy long black hair and a beard who always wears shorts?" I nodded and he looked at me in disbelief.

"Now come on before he does something stupid." I knew where Bert lived because of the many times Gee would call me to puck him up. Bert wasn't a _bad_ guy, and it wasn't his fault that Gerard was a druggie, though sometime he would provide the drugs. He'd drive himself over there, so I'd have to walk, so I knew that he didn't live too far, just a couple blocks away.

When I rang the doorbell Bert was quick to answer and it was obvious he had been into something stronger than pills. "Where's Gerard?" I asked, pushing past him and into the house.

"Not here," Bert tried to block my path, but failed miserably. I was soon able to see Gerard bent over the coffee table in the living room with a dollar bill up to his nose. I stood in shock as I witnessed my brother take a hit.

When Frank appeared behind me, he wasn't as shell-shocked as me, pushing his way towards Gerard and yanking him up. "Mikey?" Gerard asked me with blood shot eyes. I felt tears stain my face as I ran out of the house, resting on the porch and emptied my stomach into the grass.

**Gerard's POV**

I watched as my brother ran from me and felt the force of Frank's hand to my face. Unlike Mikey he was very expressive with his emotions. "What the fuck is your problem?" He shouted and I felt the guilt build up in my stomach. He then proceeded to storm from the house to comfort Mikey. I knew that I'd screwed up big time. It would've be better if that had been my first hit, if I hadn't already done two other lines.

"Fuck!" I knew that I should have followed Mikey and Frank outside, but I felt immobile. "Fuck!" I said again, louder this time. I began to feel tears stain my face. I loved Mikey to death, and now I'd screwed up our entire relationship, and any chance of befriending Frank was out of the question.

"G-Gee?" I hear Mikey stutter as he made his way closer to me. "Shit Gee." I felt Mikey's arms wrap around me. "God Gee what have you done?" I was glad to hear 'Gee' coming from his lips again, but disappointed to hear the fear in his voice. "I love you Gee," I felt myself slipping from consciousness with Mikey still holding onto me tightly.

I awoke in my bed with Mikey curled up next to me. His face was still stained from his tears, and he looked so weak, holding onto me for dear life. I heard a cough above me, and was startled until I saw Frank climb down, and a thud echoed in my ears as his feet hit the ground.

"Morning." I said, climbing over Mikey and stumbling over my feet, the headache catching my attention right away.

"More like afternoon." I looked at him with a confused expression. "It's like two." Frank answered after noticing my confusion. "You passed out yesterday, I dragged you and Mikey back here. He was too busy clinging to you to be of any help. He's been curled up to you ever singe I laid you down. You're lucky that you have such a caring and forgiving brother, and since I'm his friend, I'll except that. But I swear, if you _ever_ do something like this to Mikey again, I won't just sit back and watch him tear himself apart." I hadn't realized how much Frank had cared about Mikey, but it was obviously enough to threaten me.

"I'm sorry." He didn't seem impressed by my words. "Shit, I love him so much." I felt tears well up in my eyes as I continued to explain. "I've never wanted to hurt him, but I always do. I have too many problems that he's been forced to deal with. I'm such a fuck up, a-and he's so fucking pure!" I hated that I had placed Mikey in this situation.

"Gee?" Mikey's voice was muffled by the layers of blankets that covered his body. "Gee?" He sounded frightened as he groped the space around him.

"Shh, I'm right here Mikey," I wrapped my arms around his trembling body.

"Hey, I'm going to head out, I'll see you Monday." Frank left us alone to deal with my 'problems.'

"B-by Frankie," Mikey cried, still clinging to me. "Why Gee?" He asked once Frank was out of the room.

"I'm a shitty brother." I explained, and to me it was a legitimate answer, but Mikey didn't buy into it.

"No you're not Gee, you're the best." Mikey's words didn't convince me, and I continued to hit myself mentally. "I don't want to lose you. You're my _best friend_." I couldn't handle seeing him so upset, and if it meant making him happy, then I'd try to quit.

"I'll stop." Mikey looked up at me in disbelief. "I'll try." I reassured. "I promise Mikey."

"Thank you," he whispered, still nuzzled up to me, eyes squeezed shut. It was going to be difficult, but I promised that I would try, and I was going to give it my all.

I fell asleep with Mikey pressed close and I have _never_ slept through the night, (well for as long as I could remember) but tonight was different. I felt safe with Mikey there.

I was shaken awake by Mikey moving around next to me. My clock read nine a.m. and that was absolutely too early. I found it easy to fall back asleep, though not for long.

I heard the thumping of footsteps bounding down the stairs. The door flew open to reveal Frank bounding into the room before attacking Mikey. "Get off me." Mikey mumbled, pushing Frank away. "What the fuck are you doing here?" We weren't used to waking up before noon when we didn't have to. And it was a fact that the Way's were _not_ morning people.

"I come bearing great news!" Mikey didn't appear pleased. "Pencey's playing in Newark next weekend!" I didn't know what he was going on about or who/what Pencey was.

"That's cool Frank, can I go back to sleep?" Mikey seemed excited for him, but annoyed at the same time.

"Oh come on." Frank tugged Mikey's arm, trying to force him up. "I have practice at two, and I have nothing to do till then." Mikey reluctantly got up to pleas Frank "You should come with me, you can come to Gerard." I snapped my head at hearing my name only to realize that Frank had invited me.

"Uh, what exactly is going on?" I asked Frank while I walked to retrieve the pills that kept me sane, simply taking one from each, due to my promise to Mikey.

"My band, Pencey Prep," was all he said to explain. He eyed me cautiously as I gulped down the pills.

"Relax," I told him. "They're just the pills that I'm supposed to take, strictly for health use." frank didn't seem convinced, but Mikey was, which made me happy. "So where's your band playing?"

"Some club in Newark, we're opening for Thursday. The crowds going to be _huge_." He was right, it would definitely be packed there. Thursday was huge all over Jersey, they hadn't quite made it past state limits, but everyone in the state knew who they were. I wondered how they'd gotten so lucky to be able to open for them. Most of the bands that had _any_ contact with them had gone on to make something of themselves.

"Wow, that's awesome!"

"Yeah, but after that we're going to be drummer less."

"Wait, Tim's quitting." Mikey interrupted, the shock visible on his face. "Shit, what happened?"

"There was just a falling out between us." I assumed that there was something more than friends between Frank and this Tim guy. "It's over now." He clearly didn't want to talk about it and neither me nor Mikey was going to push him.

"Doesn't Ray's friend, Bob or whatever play?" Mikey offered.

"I don't know, Shaun's been talking about leaving too. We'll just have to see what happens after Friday." Though he tried to put on a happy face, it was obcious that he knw it was over. But he was still young, and starting a band later in life would be easy.

"Oh come on, there are plenty of people that can play guitar. I play, Ray plays. Even Gee plays." Frank looked over at me.

"I do _not!"_

"Yeah you do."

"Well, I'm not any good."

"Yeah you are, you're the best."

"I got kicked out because I couldn't play Sweet Home Alabama." There was a second of complete silence before Frank began laughing. "What?"

"Dude, that's like the easiest song ever." I felt embarrassed and so stupid, I definitely sucked. "Hey, I can teach you, if you want." It was kind of pointless, but there would be something fulfilling about learning the song, and it was Frank that was willing to help.

"Yeah, that'd be cool." I smiled.

"Anyway, we should get going, got to set up and stuff. You coming Gee?" I shook my head. I needed to straighten out my thoughts before I did anything. I was beginning to think of Frank as more than Mikey's friend. He was kind of cute, and I often found myself staring at his lip ring, or the scorpion on his neck, which led me to wonder if he had anymore tats.

When they left I laid down on the bottom bunk and forced myself _not_ to get up, otherwise I'd probably just down myself in pills and alcohol. I knew that Frank was gay, or at least bi, but until now I hadn't really thought of myself as straight _or _gay. I'd crushed on a few girls, but I was a nobody, so crushes were just that. I never showed much interest in anyone, knowing that they would never notice me. Frank noticed me, he was nice to me, he care about me, well he cared about Mikey at least.

The more I thought about Frank the more I craved a drink. I was stuck with a simple cigarette that did nothing for my shaking hands. "One pill," I told myself as I pulled out a bottle. Seven anxiety pills later I felt myself losing consciousness as I laid down on the floor.

When I woke up I wasn't on the floor anymore, nor was I in my room. Instead I was blinded by the white surrounding me and the bed I was on was surrounded by machines, one of them that beeped at a constant rate. There was a body next to me that had a lose grip on my hand and I saw Mikey silently drooling on the bed. I squeezed the hand and Mikey quickly shifted, looking up at me.

"Gee!" His eyes were red, and soon filled with more tears. "You lied." He told me, the tears now seeping into my hand. I felt horrible for betraying him, but I promised that I'd _try_ and I did, but I didn't succeed. Just because I failed, didn't mean that I had given up. I wouldn't stand the disappointment in his eyes, and I hoped that someday it would disappear. "You scared the shit out of us!" I was thrown by 'us,' but my parents had probably flipped out as well. "You promised."

I heard a light knock at the door before Frank came in with two sandwiches. "Oh, you're up." Frank was very stiff, trying his best not to move, in fear that he'd explode on me. I had hope that he wouldn't be here, because unlike Mikey, who got all teary eyed, Frank got mad. "How are you feeling?" I knew that he was just trying to be nice for Mikey's sake.

"My head hurts." I saw a flash of furry pass over his face.

"Doesn't surprise me, due to the amount of pills you took." Frank glared at me, but one look at Mikey told us both to shut up. Mikey looked at Frank as though he was going to kill him. "Sorry." Frank forced himself to say.

"How long do I have to stay here?"

"They said that you'd be able to leave shortly after you woke up. We should probably call in a nurse." Mikey pressed the 'nurse' button on the remote that sat next to him. Only a few minutes passed before there was a knock at the door.

"Well, it's nice to see you awake, Mr. Way." She smiled at me happily, and it was genuine, like she actually like the job. "Now I just have a few questions." I knew they wouldn't ask me anything personal, but I didn't want to answer none the less."What did you take?" She asks, clipboard in hand.

"Buspirone," I answered simply and she automatically scribbled it down on the paper.

"How long have you been taking it? When did you last get it filled?" The questions continued until she finally finished the scribbles. "Okay, it's been brought to my attention that you have been getting refills more often then you are supposed to. From now on you will not be able to get more than one refill before March. If you take the correct amount each day, you should be fine." I hadn't been expecting them, usually they just let me off with a warning. "I believe your parents are downstairs, I just need them to sign a few things and then you may leave."

While I waited for my parents, I changed back into my clothes, though I couldn't recall putting the hospital gown on. When I left the room to meet up with my parents, I was surprised to see my mothers eyes filled with tears. I had never thought about this hurting them too, I just figured that they didn't care, since they never did anything about it.

My mother moved closer to hug me tightly, and when she let go my father did the same. The care ride was filled in an awkward silence; we dropped Frank off at his house before going home where I would no doubt be yelled at for 'scaring the shit' out of them.

"This needs to sop," was the first thing my father said after we got home and he sent Mikey downstairs. "This isn't good for any of us. Especially your brother, can't you see how much you're hurting him." I _did_ know how much it hurt him, that's why I had _tried, _though I couldn't last more than 24 hours before I gave into my addictions.

"I know, I'm trying. I'll try." I pleaded with him, afraid of what he might have planned.

"I know that you thing you can do it, but you can't do it alone. To start with, we want the alcohol out." It sounded like a fair trade, I wasn't going to get anywhere with it store in my room. "Look, I know that it's going to be difficult to get off the pills. I talked to the doctors and they suggested doing that slowly." I didn't like the idea, I'd just end up craving more.

"No, I'm done with the pills," I told him.

"Gerard, it's just going to be worse if you quit all at once."I knew that my dad was right, but it would only make me want more.

"I can't." We set up a plan; they would set out the pills each morning and evening for me, keeping them from me. I had promised Mikey that I would try, and now I would strive to succeed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Life is but a Dream for the Dead**

**Chapter 4**

**/**

**/**

**/**

"Gee!" Mikey had been overly happy ever since my plan had been put into action, while I hat grown more agitated and shaky. "Come on Gee! Up, up, up!" Mikey shook me around, trying to force me to emerge from my bed. It was late on a Friday night; I'd made it five days and things just seemed to get worse; I had been exhausted when I got home and automatically fell asleep. Now it was around six, and Frank's band was playing in Newark at 7:30. "Hurry up!"

Since we were taking the train, we'd have to leave early so that we could get there on time, and Mikey wanted to get there even _earlier_ so that he could greet Frank. "Gimme a second." I lined my eyes with black and left today's clothes on, I was wearing an Iron Maiden shirt and black skinnies. "Let's get this over with." Frank hadn't talked to me since the previous weekend, he didn't seem to want to trust me. I don't blame him, I didn't trust myself quite yet. I was afraid to go to the club, because of the alcohol and the fact that they didn't check IDs there.

One thirty minute train ride later, we were inside the club and I had a death grip on the water in my hands. I had been tempted to ask for a beer, but Mikey was standing next to me, and the squeeze he gave my hand gave me enough courage to bypass by craving. Frank stopped to talk to us in the little corner that I had secluded myself in, I had to convince Mikey to hang back with me. It was the first time that I'd been to a club sober and I soon realized how stuffy it was, and how pathetic all the drunk people appeared.

Shortly before Pencey Prep took the stage I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to empty my stomach. The smell of beer had invaded my nostrils, making me _wish_ that I was intoxicated. When I got back I was confronted with Frank taking the stage with a guitar hanging from his neck. "We are Pencey Prep, and this is 8th Grade!" They began with their first song nearly right away.

"Caught staring again,

Like a dear in the headlights.

When I can't move fast enough,

I take a hit from the team.

...

Another confrontation

You've got something to prove

Your girl can't tell how tough you are

When you beat me up in the boy's room

I made a big mistake

But I can't help who I like

This may not cost my life

But I am branded forever lame

This was not my decision."

As the song continued, it was clearly about somebody's torment because they were 'different' and from closer examination, (at leas in my mind) it sounded like someone who was gay, which led me to believe that he was.

The more they played, the more into it Frank got, swinging around like a maniac. His whit button down was nearly drenched in sweat and at some point he had unbuttoned it, revealing too many, most likely illegal tattoos, for someone who was only fifteen. "What do you think?" Mikey yelled into my ear.

"They're amazing!" I shouted back to him.

Too soon for my liking, Frank was announcing Thursday and leaving the stage. The distraction of Frank's voice disappeared and I was forced back to the reality of the overly crowded club and needed to get out. "I need a smoke."I said, leaving Mikey to fend for himself. I knew that he'd be fine, after all he went out more than me.

Almost as soon as I placed my body against the wall, I heard voices around the corner, and I tried to ignore them. "Dammit Time, what don't you understand about _over_," A slightly familiar voice said.

"Fine then Frank, if this is really what you want then I'm out. Good luck finding a new drummer!" I heard the sound of skin against skin and a body hitting the ground. After a few minutes of silence I moved around the corner to see Frank curled up on the ground.

I stuck my hand out for him to grab. He studied it thoroughly before bringing his eyes to my face. He reluctantly took my hand as I helped lift him up. "You okay?" I assumed he would say that he was fine, because that's what I always said. Contrary to my assumption, he shook his head and looked away. "Hey, it's okay. Besides, you don't deserve someone like that."

He looked hurt by what I said, but also understanding. "It's just that he's the only person that I've ever had feelings for," he said truthfully. I wanted so badly to make the pain in his voice go away. "And now I'm alone again. My mom's never home and my dad lives in Colorado. Time seemed to fill the emptiness." It didn't seem to me like Frank had much time for Tim, since even _before_ we met, he was over all the time. He was always there when I would go out, but left before I would wake up.

"What about Mikey? You spend most of your time with him as it is." I let my previous thoughts flow from my tongue.

"He doesn't understand." I knew that this was true. Mikey would hang out with you and try to comfort you, but he didn't understand the feelings, so there wasn't much for him to do to fix it.

"I know how you feel," he looked at me in disbelief, since _technically_ I was always surrounded by my family. "I mean physically there's a lot of people there for me, but emotionally I'm alone and no one ever seems to understand." Except Frank did, and I didn't need the nod of his head to know this. "Want a smoke?" Frank took the cigarette from me hungrily.

"So you're really done?" He clarified, a smoke cloud forming with his words.

"Yeah. I mean, it's hard, and I haven't even made it a week, and it's not like I've stopped _craving_ it, but having Mikey and my parents really helps." The last few days had been a living hell, but knowing that it would make Mikey happy pushed me _not _to give in._  
_

"You have me," he smiled, but I couldn't comprehend his words. "I'm here fore you." The next few seconds went by in a blur; Frank's lips were smashed against my own, it took me a moment, but I started kissing back. When he licked my bottom lip, I quickly allowed access. At first we let our tongues dance across each other before plunging in and examining the inside of the others mouth; he tasted like cigarettes.

Pulling away was the hard part; we had both gotten ourselves tangled, his hand was in my hair, and both of my hands enveloped around his waist. He smiled at me when we managed to pull apart. "Hey, I think Mikey's waiting for us." His smile faded form his face as I brought us back to the real world.

"Yeah," Frank agreed with disappointment in his eyes.

"So, when am I going to get the promised guitar lessons?" I remembered Frank's promise to teach me 'Sweet Home Alabama,' and it would give us an excuse to hang out.

"I can come over this weekend," he smiled again. It was perfect timing, Mikey was going to Ray's, so we'd have the basement all to ourselves. Not that anything is going to happen, but this way we could talk.

Mikey seemed surprised to see us walking up to him together, we hadn't exactly gotten along since the day at Bert's. "What's wrong?" Mikey asked him upon seeing the sadness that shown on his face.

"Tim," was his only response. I suddenly felt bad, because I'd kissed him mere _seconds_ after Tim yelled at him; I stopped feeling guilty when I realized that he had kissed _me_. "I'll be right back." Frank disappeared in the direction of the bar. I was surprised when he came back holding a beer and a glass of water, he handed the water to me. Frank noticed me eyeing his drink and freaked out in concern. "Shit sorry. I wasn't thinking. I can get rid of it."

"It's fine, really, I just didn't realize that you drank," I said the last part a little sheepishly, how could I be so naive to think that he _didn't _drink, everybody drinks! Frank wasn't perfect, and he had flaws, luckily it was something that I could put up with, as long as he wasn't an alcoholic like me.

The next few minutes were even more surprising. The was Frank leaned on Mikey after he'd started his second beer, pressing his lips to Mikey's cheeks repeatedly; he seemed to be the 'clingy' drunk. When Frank got his third beer, Mikey removed the bottle form his hands and placed it to his own lips. Maybe my dreams weren't so far off, after all, Mikey was _drinking_.

Frank stumbled over to me, before covering my mouth with his. If we had been in any other situation, like back outside when we were both sober, I would have kissed him back. Instead I lifted my hands to push him away, drunken kisses always led to something that the 'sober you' would regret in the morning.

"We should get you home," I realized then that taking the train was a stupid idea, and it would be a wast to take him all the way home. "You can stay at our house." Frank smiled up at me, overdoing it a bit, there was no doubt that he was completely out of it by now. His eyes were glazed over, and walking _without_ leaning on my would have been impossible.

"Thanks," and this time it wasn't a drunken smile, it was _real, _like he was grateful that I was doing this for him.

I plopped Frank down on Mikey's bunk and he was out instantly, Mikey gave me an apologetic look. "It's fine," I reassured him, but he still looked guilty. "Seriously, if that had been me I would've been grateful for someone to drag me to their house, rather than having to fend of for myself." If anyone had shown this much kindness when I was wasted and/or stoned at some party trying to find my way home, my life would be a lot better.

"I'm sorry, he's not usually like this," Mikey continued his apologies. "It's just all this shit with his band." Mikey seemed to despise the Tim guy for abandoning the band and hurting his friend, if I had known him he'd be bleeding right now.

"He'll be okay Mikey, get some sleep." Mikey curled up next to Frank like he always did when he was in protective me. And, for the first time since Sunday, I wasn't shaky, nor did I crave anything. All I cared about what cheering up Frank.


End file.
